You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
