Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
