I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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