I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
