so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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