Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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