jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
