***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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