So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
