Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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