I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
