Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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