Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize