Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
