Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
