just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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