tell your sister to shave her snatch
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
