Im at strip club and am horny
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
