i love accidental penises.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She tied me up with her honor cords...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
