You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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