i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
