I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
