He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
