You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
