I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
