guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
