I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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