I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
