She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
