That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
ugly people sure do ruin things
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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