So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
