I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
