I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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