Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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