Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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