I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
