TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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