Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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