i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
