saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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