He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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