yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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