Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I currently don't understand fingers.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize