maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you had me at cake vodka
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
