Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize