I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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