I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
