I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
