Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
