At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
