alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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