dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
operation harelip BJ is a go
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
