Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
