I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
