Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
