I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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