My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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