i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
