The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
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