You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
