Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
