Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
