I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
