Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
