So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
