That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i believe in u and ur pee
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
