I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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