from now on my penis is your penis
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
