Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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