well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
