There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
