so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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